My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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