I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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