Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we're so committed to being not committed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
