she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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