I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
