I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
50% drunk capacity currently
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
