And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
