i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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