My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
