shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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