Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
