Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
