So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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