i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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