I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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