Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
