Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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