I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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