Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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