my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
