there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
