i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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