Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
