i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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