At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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