OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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