I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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