I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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