I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
