Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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