I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
