rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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