good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
