i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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