So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
