Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
4 words: hood of his car
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
