Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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