You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I pour the whiskey from now on
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
