This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
