Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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