last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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