Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
