i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am spending my child support on dildos
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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