so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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