i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
