but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
