she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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