Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
