Christians are straight up FREAKS
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
