just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
