Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
