there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
