Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
one might say we're banned from that church
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
