I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
